ell, I've been procrastinating on writing this for some time now, but D-day is edging closer and closer. So, I finally decided to get off my ass, sit down and write this (I'll let you figure that one out). In this ?little? post I may talk about my overall feelings on the war in Iraq and war in general, some of my past, my feelings toward the army and whatever other tangent I manage to find myself on. We'll just see where it goes.
I have a lot of good reasons as to why I should maintain a journal like this, but in actually it boils down to one thing: stemming the inevitable flow of boredom. I've been in the Army long enough to know that anything you do will be filled with copious amounts of mind numbingly boring time. I guess I'm also doing this for my family, the many people I have come to know through the Internet, individual piece of mind, self realization and the ever looming prospect of getting poontang (priorities).
I guess a little introduction is in order. I'm a 19D cavalry scout currently assigned to the Army's second Stryker brigade. I was born and raised on the south side of Chicago. It's not exactly the best place to live in this country and you'll probaly hear me talk a lot of shit about it, but bottom line is that I wouldn't have had it any other way. My free time is usually spent doing school work, working out, reading books or fucking around on my computer. I've always enjoyed politics and history so I spend quite a bit of time following current events and discussing them on line. I got the idea to maintain one of those so that people I have been bantering with for several years can get my personal opinions on the way things are over there. So, I guess that's hello.
For those who have never been in the service, it's pretty trippy. I've had a lot of bumps in the road and gotten some rough deals in the Army but overall I've enjoyed my service to this country. I don't see this deployment changing that too much.
I'll be honest, I really don't give two fucks about the average Iraqi. I've met some pretty cool Iraqi's and I harbor no ill will towards any of them, but I can't honestly say my change would change dramatically if god decided to smite Babylon for a second time. This holds true for most places in the world.
However, on a matter of principal I think it was a good thing that we did in coming into Iraq. As bad as I might have had it in my life, I can't even begin fathom how some people lived under Saddam Hussein. I can certainly appreciate the good that has been done in this country, and in reality, if we hadn't done it, no one (not even the UN) would have. That doesn't mean that I agree with the way everything has gone prior, during and since we have gone in, or that I even like the current administration.
I like the fact that we as American's are willing to step up and do a good thing in the world regardless of what the rest of the hypocritical world may do or say. That's not to say that I am blind to the blatant hypocrisy prevalent in our neck of the woods, but I'm happy when something good comes of it. I don't think the fact that one or two corporations may profit from something is any reason to not do it, if it should be done regardless.
Unlike some people in this country I have no problems putting my blood, sweat, and tears behind my principals & ideals. So, with that and what I previously said in mind I can honestly say that I have no qualms about going into Iraq (and in fact endorsed it), even if I think that the American people would be better served with finding those directly responsible for the attacks on this country.
I'd be remiss if I didn't mention the personal fascination with going to ?war?. I guess this can be chalked up to youthful exuberance or a symptom of the super-man complex. I can't say it matters either way, because ever since I was a kid collecting G.I. Joes, I've had a latent desire to go to ?war?. I can't really say if its the desire to prove myself, the prospect of adventure, or just a certain amount of recklessness, but nevertheless the desire is there.
When I went home on leave it seemed like everyone was telling me that I was either crazy or stupid and that I should just run to Canada and sit this one out. But all bullshit aside: there is nothing that could be said or done that would make me back out of this deployment. I know I'll probaly want to smack myself for saying such things 6 months from now, but its what I feel in my heart. As much shit as I talk I won't turn my back on the guys in my unit, and I damn sure would never be able to live with myself if I balked at the only true opportunity I may ever have to prove myself a man, in the ancient sense of the word.
When I tell a lot of people these things, they all seem to ask if I'm scared. The honest answer to the question is ?Yea, of course I'm scared? , but its not in the sense that many people believe. I have the same level of fear of going to Iraq, that I've had everyday living in the states: the fear that my life will be inconsequential, marred by mediocracy and and plagued by the fear of never doing anything worthwhile. My fear is not that I will lose my life on this world, but that in doing so I will lose all the opportunity and all the chances to be something important to this world or at the very least to myself. However, I've come to realize if I let those fears dictate my actions throughout life, than my fears have already been realized, and that I have failed. In essence It's a catch 22, I have to do to live, but in doing so I risk death. I guess that is where faith comes into play.
In any event, thats all I got for now so hopefully I made a little bit of sense. I'll probaly write a little more in the upcoming days and months as it comes to me, and it will be interesting to see what effect my this will have my thoughts.
