Berfday

Well, anyway it has actually been quite a few days since I wrote this. I've actually been pretty busy. Things are no where near as bad for us as they were at first but we've been running pretty strong nevertheless. I wish I would write more but there is nothing really to talk about. I guess I've hit that point where things are mundane and boring, as hard as that may be for people out there to understand. Anyway, heres my "birthday post" it was on Mar 9th.

The other day to very little fanfare my 22nd birthday came and went. As hard as it may be to imagine there were no parades, late television dedications and unfortunately classes were still held in high schools across the country. In all seriousness, I'm not really one for holidays or celebrations. I usually find myself pulling double shifts or taking over duties for someone else, so that they may spend precious time with their families and I rarely if ever take advantage of opportunities to go home for the holidays.
However, I tend to go into what can only be described as a deep introspective period around my birthdays. I can only assume that it has something to do with the fact that I never expected to be 22 years old and each successive year is akin to a sucker punch to the jaw. I not to make a big deal out of anything in general and considering my current location in the world, I'd hate to make things seem to be worse than they really are, but the fact remains that I haven't really had the “ideal” life.
It seems like just yesterday I was sitting in the guidance counselor's office at my high school explaining how it was a waste of my time to participate in English class because I had maybe 1, 2 years tops before I ended up in a cell or worse. I'd love to chalk all that up to youthful naivety but then again she agreed with me.
I'm trying hard to turn this into a “My life has been so fucked up” post, and I've had to re-write these few sentences several times trying to find the right way to get on with it. It's not as easy as it should be but the point I'm trying to make is that there is something about my birthday that causes me to dwell on my past self and the things that have happened. It's certainly not the only time that this happens (as this website is a testament to), but it's certainly the most regular.
The ability to look within oneself and to analyze the past isn't so bad and many people would probably be better off with it, but in my case I tend to disassociate myself from people in general and tend to neglect important things like say, food and sleep. I almost made it through this year but alas here I am typing away when I should be sleeping. However, I still remain optimistic, as I'm not really hungry right now and I'll (hopefully) be able to sleep once I finish this.
It really is hard to appreciate how far I have come in the last 4-6 years. It's doubtful that somebody who knew me 5 years ago would even recognize me today. There has been of course physical changes; I've probably grown an inch or two and gained about 50 lbs (of muscle damn it), but by far the most remarkable change has been in the confidence I've gained in my self.
I really don't want to delve too deep into it, but my earlier years were characterized by deep rooted insecurities that manifested themselves in a variety of ways. Today, insecurity is the probably the last thing that comes to peoples mind when they meet me. In fact, I've probably grown too arrogant and over bearing in some regards, but it's leap of faith to state that I'm an entirely different person. In reality, I'd be lying if I said that I never doubted myself or that I didn't have moments when I question myself. The difference is that where I used to dread the coming day because I saw nothing but a protracted meaningless existence, I look forward to it because I see the opportunities of the future.
It really is a wonderful feeling and I hope it continues for many years to come. I guess this is an appropriate time to thank the people who have helped me get to this point in my life.... Thanks, it's been appreciated....

I'm not gonna make some sort of list because well a good majority of the people probably don't read this and even so they know who they are.